Maternal Mental Health Month, observed annually in May, shines a spotlight on the emotional well-being of mothers. Beyond the baby showers and Instagram-worthy moments lies a complex reality—a reality where many mothers struggle with feelings of anxiety, depression, inadequacy and overwhelm. Approximately 1 in 5 new mothers grapple with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), yet these conditions often remain unaddressed, leading to repercussions for both the mother and child.

Therapists and co-owners of Women’s’ Therapy & Wellness, Katelin and Kristen, each have their own unique postpartum journeys. In this post, Katelin interviews Kristen about her experience in a hope to shed light on the complexities of maternal mental health and highlight the importance of support. 

Katelin: What is something you were most surprised about during your postpartum journey?

Kristen: Is 'everything' an appropriate answer here?

Looking back, I realize that one of the reasons my postpartum experience was so challenging was because my expectations of what having a newborn would be like didn't match the reality. As a first-time mom, I was focused on having a smooth pregnancy and delivery without fully considering the reality of caring for a newborn.

I laugh now looking back on this, but when I was pregnant, I envisioned my maternity leave as peaceful moments in the park, with the baby quietly sleeping in the stroller while I read a book, my dog sitting calmly by my side. However, the reality was quite literally the opposite. My baby needed constant attention and was attached to me around the clock. The dog barked at any sound the baby made which added to the chaos. Instead of leisurely reading, I found myself endlessly scrolling through Google to address worries and doubts in my head about what I perceived I was doing wrong. 

Katelin: What was the hardest part of having postpartum depression and anxiety?

Kristen: The most challenging aspect of my experience was the overwhelming sense of inadequacy it brought to my life. I constantly felt like I was falling short of an idealized standard for mothers set by both myself and society. Every perceived "failure" added to this debilitating narrative of not being good enough.

Despite my unplanned c-section going smoothly overall, I couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment for not delivering vaginally. When my milk came in late and I struggled with producing enough, I had to supplement with formula which only intensified these feelings of inadequacy. Each time my baby cried and I couldn't soothe him, I felt like I was failing as a mother. It seemed like I had lost my sense of happiness and humor, leading me to question whether I even had a personality anymore.

It felt like everyone around me was navigating motherhood effortlessly, which only added to my sense of failure. I thought there was something inherently wrong with me because I wasn't enjoying motherhood or feeling an immediate bond with my baby. At the time, it was difficult to envision a future where things would become easier.

As if all of this wasn’t painful enough, I struggled with the belief that as a therapist, I should have been better equipped to handle my emotions. This added pressure only intensified everything I was already feeling. 

Katelin: As someone who experienced postpartum depression and anxiety, what was the single most helpful coping skill you used?

Kristen: There were a few tools that really helped me to navigate this time in my life.  The first was therapy. I had been seeing a therapist throughout my pregnancy, and toward the end I was feeling pretty good. We had paused our sessions and she told me to reach out if I needed anything in the future. Once I realized that what I was dealing with postpartum wasn’t just “the baby blues” and with encouragement from my husband, I reengaged with my therapist. She helped me to navigate and better cope with this huge life transition without being so hard on myself. 

The other tool that was crucial in my own journey was developing a sense of community in motherhood that helped me feel less alone in my struggles and worries. I was fortunate at the time to live in a neighborhood where a lot of the women around me had just had babies. I joined a neighborhood moms group which helped me to get out of the house and surround myself with other first-time moms who were in a similar stage of motherhood. Even though we have since moved from that house, I am still close friends with some of those moms almost six years later. 

I also joined a breastfeeding group and a postpartum depression group through Virginia Hospital Center. Again, both groups were extremely helpful in normalizing my feelings and to hear others echoing the worried thoughts that ran through my head made me feel less alone, less scared, and less hopeless. 

Although the first year of my son’s life presented challenges, the support I received proved invaluable for navigating it all. Gradually, I started to reclaim my sense of self and grow more confident in my role as a mother. I started to see glimpses of progress in how I was feeling which helped me to embrace motherhood and foster a deeper bond with my son. While every stage of parenting introduces its own set of obstacles, I now feel empowered with the belief that I can navigate whatever challenges come up. I credit much of this belief to the initial support I received, which laid the foundation for the mom I am today. 

Fortunately, there are many options in our area to build community during the postpartum period, including support groups with Postpartum Support Virginia and Postpartum Support International, as well as PACE groups for first and second time moms. Postpartum Support Virginia also offers a peer mentorship program, matching mentees with mothers who have lived experience overcoming their own mental health struggles in the postpartum period.  Individual therapy can also be incredibly helpful and if you are looking for a therapist, directories through PSVa and PSI are fantastic places to start. You can also reach out to Women's Therapy & Wellness - we would love to hear from you and help you figure out how to navigate this huge life shift! 

As we commemorate Maternal Mental Health Month, let us continue to raise awareness, foster understanding, and provide support for mothers everywhere. Together, we can create a more compassionate and inclusive environment where all mothers feel empowered to prioritize their emotional well-being.

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