On Loss, and the People, Places & Memories that Make You, You

Lifestyle

Mar 21

Written By

I have written about so many different style icons. Kate Moss, Emmanuelle Alt, and then the very long list of designers I love. Last week I headed to Stanford, Kentucky, population 3,600, to say goodbye to my true style icon, my grandmother, Elsie Butcher.

At my Grandmother's 95th Birthday celebration with my siblings and cousin.

Grandma B, as we called her, was nearly 102 years old, so I realize this story is not tragic. She lived a fantastic and long life and was due her reward, but it still makes me sad and I will miss her. She lived her life on her own terms and lived every day to the fullest. She was a go-getter, in college by age 16 and successful in her career before she had kids at age 30 – a remarkable sequence in her day. When Granddaddy died too soon, she didn’t sell the farm; she studied up on cattle-raising and even became a leader in the county Farm Bureau herself. She didn’t make arguments for equality; she just lived them. I’m told by my relatives that I got a lot of her attributes – and I’m proud of it.I have had time to prepare for Grandma’s death and think about what it means to lose her. The only thing I know to equate it with is a flip book you had as a child. There is one in my mind and every page is a different memory of my childhood.There’s a page of me fighting with my brother in the bed of my Granddaddy’s pick-up truck over who would get to sit on the wheel and hold Governor, their German Shepherd, as we drove down to the creek.

Flip

Digging up worms with my brother and then running to the pond with my bamboo fishing pole.

Flip

Eating watermelon on the back porch as we watch my dad ride my brother’s bike with a banana seat down a hill as fast as he can, barely avoiding hitting a tree.

Flip

Playing the card game Rook all night and my Grandmother would throw up her hands and laugh as my Granddaddy would say he was going to “shoot the moon” -- which meant he would promise to take all the tricks without the help of his partner.

Flip

Getting dressed up for Easter Sunday with an orchid corsage and coming home to supper of country ham, grits, green beans, and biscuits.

Flip

Sitting on my Grandmothers lap snuggled up in her fur coat as we waited to leave for Christmas Eve service. And so on and so on. I think when you lose a person and then potentially the possibility of visiting the place where these memories were formed, you feel like your childhood is slipping through your hands.

Clockwise, from top left: Me, at Easter Brunch at our country club in Ohio; Grandma B playing cards, one of her favorite pastimes; My grandparents Elsie and Earl Butcher; With my mom and her double first cousin that we called Aunt Hazel.

It also makes me look at my children and wonder if I am giving them the same type of childhood I was given. I realize these are the moments that have molded me and made me who I am today and I just want to do right by the kids entrusted to my care.

Top, Grandma B at at 93 with her first four great grandchildren. Grandma B with my daughter, Blair.

I gave a eulogy at my Grandmother’s funeral and like the other speakers, I talked about my Grandmother’s love of entertaining and how she was always, no matter the occasion, well dressed. Appearance mattered to her. Maybe it was because she was raised poor, as most were during the Great Depression, but she saw how a person presents herself on the outside was a reflection of the inside. There was a sense of pride that came with it in her mind.Most days I don’t follow in her footsteps very well. In fact, I often walk around Alexandria on errands in workout clothes with the intention of maybe making it to a yoga class if I can squeeze it in. But I do think Grandma’s example is why I do what I do for a living. I get that I am not changing the world or making some profound impact on lives. But I do like think some days people walk out the doors of our stores with a little extra confidence because what they had on in the dressing room made them feel good about themselves. Maybe it was for a big speech, a marketing meeting, an interview, or a big family event they were attending. Maybe they were just having a bad day and a little retail therapy cheered them up, if just for a moment.Regardless of the reason you come in The Shoe Hive or The Hive, when you walk out, it is my goal that you feel like I felt when I was a kid playing dress up in my Grandma’s closet, or as a teenager walking out of the local dress shop in Kentucky with her, shopping bags full in each hand. I hope you’ll feel like the real “you.”