Back to Life: Let’s Focus on the Feels, Not the Looks

This is not what I was going to originally post. I had written an extremely personal account of how I was body shamed constantly as a kid and teenager. The message was, of course, that we shouldn’t body shame people. But for some reason, I couldn’t truly convey what I wanted until I ran it by a few friends. Their message was clear: I wasn’t getting mine across. So, let’s get to it: Our bodies change. They change daily. They hurt and heal, get knocked down, and bounce back. They give life, they grieve. They lose, and they gain. When we talk about getting through this last year, we are talking about our bodies too.

I gained weight over the pandemic. I also worked (as a physical therapist, exercise instructor, small business owner, mother/homeroom teacher) and worked out more than I ever have recently. I still gained weight -- and not just a few pounds, but the kind of weight that elicited comments.  Many people were surprised that I had gained weight and said so with some version of “You work out all the time!” Comments ranged from whether I should keep the weight or get rid of it.  People had opinions about my body. I did too. I also knew something they didn’t: I knew how I felt. I knew I needed to cut back on the drinking, eat some more lean protein and eventually put down the processed comfort food that got us through this long winter. I’ve recently made those changes to feel better.

But this is not about me telling you how to lose weight -- or gain weight. This is about gaining perspective and losing our urge to comment about other people’s bodies. We are FINALLY getting to be together. Finally, able to see and hug one another (if you want) in person -- no logging on and staring through a screen at two-dimensional versions of one another. Finally, after so much uncertainty, anguish and isolation, we are getting to interact, wear something other than sweatpants, and put on lipstick without it soaking into a piece of cloth as we try to talk. Can we just enjoy our togetherness without comparing ourselves to each other?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CQCXD59BWdp/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Why do we comment on other people’s bodies? Fear? Insecurity? An attempt to compliment? All kinds of reasons. But instead of psychoanalyzing why we do it, how about we just give it a rest. You never know what someone is going through, and remember, their bodies go through it too. This extends to the way we talk to ourselves about our own bodies and how they compare to others. Why do we compare ourselves to other people? It’s a losing game. It separates instead of connects us. It makes everything a competition. I cannot tell you how many times people have told me the reason they will NOT come to my class is because they are afraid of other people looking at them. They are afraid of other people commenting about their bodies or their form. I will tell you this now, I do not allow that to happen. Ask anyone in my classes or others at MtM. We don’t foster or condone that kind of culture. Have you ever seen a before and after post in our content? You won’t find one -- as that would be buying into diet culture and body shaming. If we compare ourselves to one another, even to our past selves, we miss out on our present greatness, our own experiences, our own happiness.

As we come back out into the world to be with our friends and family, can we just be together without worrying about whether we gained weight or how we look? I will share this one point from the original piece:

I never discuss weight or weight loss in my classes because that is not what I do. I am NOT in the weight-loss business. We need to evolve from comparing ourselves to others and manufactured ideals of how the human body should look. We should be more concerned about how the human body moves and functions--mechanically and physiologically.

When appropriate, let’s take off our masks, be together, enjoy one another’s company, and, instead of commenting on how someone looks, let’s comment on how good it feels to see them again!

When the time is right for you, come back to your studio workouts and be together with your classmates and notice how you feel after you exercise because that is why we exercise: to feel better, to connect with ourselves and others, and to look forward to being on this Earth for many years to come. #MtMtogether

Thanks to MtM client, writer, and massage therapist Amanda Long for repeatedly asking me exactly what I was trying to say in this post and encouraging me to say it with conviction. 

You can read her articles, including her Quarantheme article about MtM on The Washington Post.