Love in the Time of Hot Flashes: A Valentine's Day Guide for Perimenopause and Menopause
Forget the roses and chocolates, this Valentine's Day, let's talk about perimenopause and menopause. While Hallmark might have convinced us that February 14th is all about hearts and flowers, for many women, it can be a time of intense physical and emotional change. Fear not: this time of life doesn't have to spell the end of romance. In fact, with a little knowledge and self-compassion, Valentine's Day can be an opportunity to celebrate love in all its forms, including the love you have for yourself.
Start with a reframe. Instead of seeing midlife as a loss, let's view it as a transformation. It's a time of change, yes, but also a time of empowerment. You're entering a new chapter in your life, and that's something to be celebrated.
Best selling author, researcher, and storyteller, Brené Brown, calls midlife: “...A time when the universe says it’s time to get serious. Pretending and performing using the coping mechanism you've used to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt has to stop. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts.”
Honor your needs. Valentine's Day is all about showing love, and that includes showing love to yourself. If you're experiencing symptoms like hot flashes, night sweats, or mood swings, listen to your body and give it what it needs. Maybe enjoy a relaxing Epsom salt bath (for two!) instead of a crowded restaurant? Make a gift of cooling sheets and pillows. Try a cozy night in with your partner instead of a night out. Prioritize activities that make you feel good, and don't be afraid to set boundaries.
Communication is key. Open and honest communication is key in any relationship, and especially important during perimenopause and menopause. Talk to your partner about what you're going through and how they can support you. Be specific about your needs and don't expect them to read your mind. Remember, they're on your team. Disassociate your symptoms from shame. You are likely experiencing precisely what many other women are – so let go of those old emotions that do a number on your brain.
Celebrate intimacy in new ways. Perimenopause can sometimes lead to changes in sexual desire or vaginal dryness. But that doesn't mean the romance has to die. Explore different forms of intimacy, focus on foreplay, and share your needs openly. Remember, intimacy is about more than just sex; it's about communication, connection and feeling loved and cherished.
Shower yourself with love. This Valentine's Day, make yourself the star of the show. Treat yourself to something special, whether it's a massage, a new book, a “mental health holiday” or a walk in your favorite park. Spend time doing things you love, and surround yourself with positive people who support you.
Perimenopause and menopause may not be the sexiest topic for Valentine's Day, but it's an important one. By embracing this phase of life with self-love and understanding, you can create a Valentine's Day that's filled with love, connection, and joy. Remember, you are worthy of love, in every stage of your life.
If you’re looking for a group of like-minded women to share your perimenopause and menopause challenges and successes, look no further than Small Group Concierge Wellness. In weekly one-hour sessions, we cover sleep, stress-resilience, calendar, movement, and food as fuel, as well as enjoy a fun, strength-training session. Most of all, we offer each other support as we journey through this stage of life together. New groups in-person or online are starting the first week in March.
