Making My Weakness My Strength
Something you may not know about me: I had a not-so-awesome childhood. Well, that’s not all true. Until the age of eight it was pretty idyllic: I was in ballet, tap, jazz, I rode my horse, played on our farm, enjoyed summers swimming in Deep Creek Lake at our lake house. But in the fourth grade, my parents divorced and it was a doozy.
I had an attorney appointed for me because the judge did not think my parents or their attorneys could advocate for my well being. I was sent to mandated therapy during the divorce an hour away from home with a horrible counselor. I was also in a school divorce therapy group and would burst into tears randomly in school. My family’s furniture was sold at auction when people couldn’t agree on how to divide it. My mom’s school board signs around the county were defaced with the sordid private details of my family's lives and my dad would refuse to plow our mile-long driveways sometimes so my Mom struggled to get us in and out in the deep snow. Things weren’t great and I grew up very quickly.
Added to the mix after their divorce were my parents’ dating lives, new partners and step-siblings, all within a couple years of my world being completely rocked with no time for adjustment in between. My father wasn’t particularly good at being a parent. I learned how to do my own ponytails, French braid my own hair, I grocery shopped and packed for my lunches and had to make sure school assignments went from one house to another. I wrote all my own school notes because my parents couldn’t co-parent. My grades went up and down, despite my intelligence, as I struggled to deal with the sudden loss of a normal childhood or normal parent-child relationships.
In middle and high school, I had pretty severe anxiety and depression, without any tools on how to deal with it. My father had two heart attacks. Then my brother Richard passed away in a horrible farm accident my senior year, and I began experiencing panic attacks. I somehow made it through all this with decent grades, work ethic, and lots of friends. Then by the age of 26, I no longer had any grandparents and my father had passed away, too. There was a court case over my dad’s estate.
My strength has always been helping people. On bad days I like to do nice things for other people. I was raised with people telling me, “pretty is as pretty does."* And the impact I make to others’ lives is very important. I have always been good at being understanding with my clients and their anger, grief and fear without judgment. My parents were collectively married five times, and I have dealt with a lot of loss and grief in my life. I have personally been involved in way more court cases than I would like.
I can look at someone at their worst moments and understand. I also know there is hope and light inside them, and that they have a chance to move forward, heal and grow as new versions of themselves. I know it isn’t easy.
Relationships with other people are complicated. I can see the good and bad in people, which is a strength in analyzing cases. I know how horrible an un-amicable divorce is for a family, for the children. I know how important parents are to their children. I know how bad the outcomes can be when you leave everything up to a judge – or when you cannot communicate as co-parents. (Don’t ask about the time my mother tried to ground me and I drove to my dad’s house.)
My background, my weakness, gives me high emotional intelligence: to read people, to understand the behind-the-scenes dynamics, but it also makes me analytical. And while I am very empathetic, I have the ability to think past the empathy and emotions to the reality of what is in front of someone, the things they need to do, and test my client and their goals, problem solve with them and what they want to help them get to the real best outcome possible for them and their family, which may not always be what they think they want. And although my job is often incredibly stressful, I like to help people. I like to help them reach a better place and navigate through these incredibly tough periods of their life. My weakness is my strength.
*The expression means that good character and behavior are more important than good looks. So, if you are a kind, loving person, you are beautiful.
