Two Other Professionals You Need During a Divorce
As a divorce attorney, I knew absolutely everything to expect and plan for when I got separated. Except I didn’t. Just how deeply the experience made me grieve mentally, was surprising. That seems silly to me now. I was with my ex for 16 years, and I had never been alone. I should have expected it.
I had personally experienced divorce through my parents’ several divorces and through my line of work. I thought I knew ALL the shortcuts to make things easier and to get over it faster. But it unexpectedly brought up a lot of my past I had never really processed.
Multiple friends who had been through this process (some who I had helped) relayed the same piece of advice: Get a therapist and a trainer. The therapist was intuitive to me. I tell most clients to get a therapist, but the personal trainer? It seemed like odd advice and something a bit too out of reach while dividing up assets and having to pay all my own bills.
I hate to admit I don’t know everything, and that someone else was right…but they were! And here is why you need both:
The therapist. No matter what happened in your divorce, something got you there. Now you have to get yourself back to being someone who can learn from those mistakes. You have to feel you have grown enough to trust again and start something new. You will move on, no matter how much you think you will not. And many of us women, like me, get married so early that after your first marriage you might feel like a very different person.
Therapy has helped me figure out who I am, what I need, and how to move forward in my life more confidently. It’s not all roses, and my therapist’s office is my safe space where I have processed a lot of my past, grieved, cried and been angry. Divorce is maybe one of the toughest processes you will ever go through, allow yourself the help you need. We have professionals to get us through other tough things in life–teachers, coaches, mentors. Allow yourself to have someone support you through this process
The trainer. Physical exercise is so essential to our mental and physical well-being. Exercise makes us happier, but more importantly it reduces stress, helps you focus on yourself and be present in the moment! You are going to need some stress reduction through a divorce. More than that, you need someone who checks in on you mentally, physically, pushes you to keep your routines. Especially on those bad days, when you just want to go home and drink a glass of wine or snack on something bad. The routine of a personal trainer is very therapeutic.
I feel so much better when I am making progress towards a goal, and my trainer keeps me on track physically, no matter what. And I knew lifting weights was important, but my trainer helped me learn how to do it safely. If I hurt my lower back a bit, we do exercises to stretch and strengthen that, and keep moving forward. I am not at my 100% today, they help me give what I have at that moment and feel good about that. And I feel so much better having that glass of wine now and again after I’ve worked out. And yes, you can schedule exercise classes, but the one-on-one time with a trainer invested in your life and outcomes makes so much of a difference.
Stylebook’s fitness and wellness guru Adrien Cotton can tell you so much more, but here is a plug for some of the best non-legal divorce advice I ever received: therapist and trainer.
