I know you all don’t want to talk about this… but how often are you having sex? I can tell a lot about your marriage by knowing about your sex life with your spouse. This is something I never really thought I would know so much about while in law school, but sixteen years of practicing family law and – here we are guys.  

I will tell you that no one having intimate sex on a frequent basis with their partner is normally in my office for a divorce. Most clients in my office haven’t had sex with their partner in over a year, some in several. Generally, only 10% of couples report not having sex in the past year in surveys, but a higher percentage will say they only have sex one to three times a year. 

Fun fact: Research has found the happiest couples have sex once a week! Having more frequent sex didn’t lead to more happiness, but having less frequent sex led to less happiness. 

Another fact, infidelity is the second highest reported reason why couples divorce (after lack of family support) and lack of intimacy is the fourth! This is huge. Generally, one will lead to the other, so combine those two as a lack of sexual satisfaction and it would be the highest cause for divorce in the United States. So why are we so hesitant to talk about it, and do anything about it, especially with those we trust the most? 

Virginia is not a state where a lack of intimacy is a reason to get divorced, there are states with laws regarding alienation of affection. However, I see intimacy issues in so many of my cases.  Especially over time as people get older, women have children, men age, bodies change, life changes, schedules get hectic. With Valentine’s Day just over your shoulder, intimacy and love are things you have probably been thinking about the past couple weeks. Want to improve your marriage? You likely need to improve your intimacy and communication around your sex life.  

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