Online Dating: An Honesty Truce?
I haven’t dated online much. I have very briefly in the past, but now, I relish in all the stories of my friends' online dating horrors. I am the person who will laugh when you trip, while asking if you are okay. I enjoy having a glass of wine and “swiping” for my friends, it’s a favorite game of mine. I have a unique perspective on relationships. I’m not very judgmental of other people, I’m open. I’m also very intuitive, but I did spend almost two years figuring out exactly what my needs are. I also bring knowledge of what people fear when they are at their most vulnerable and scared. And how they react to certain triggers—cheating, uncertainty and distrust. I think most online dating comes down to honesty. You are already taking a huge leap of faith meeting and getting to know someone online, and then meeting them in person. It’s scary, and building trust is the number one hurdle to overcome.
So, here are five things to help establish trust when dating online:
Disclose Your Status. Are you separated, but not divorced? You’re an idiot for online dating, let’s talk, but cool. Are you dating multiple people and don’t want a serious commitment? Cool. You and your partner want a third wheel for your marriage? Cool. You want to get married NOW? Cool. Don’t hoodwink people and waste their time. Your time is important, so is theirs. Why wade through people who don’t want what you want? And if you don’t know that’s ok but be honest about that, too. Humans don’t like uncertainty. Acting cagey because you want something you think the other person won’t accept, or having them try to figure out what’s going on when your phone is set on silent – is going down a bad path.
Recent Pictures. Your pictures should look exactly like you look, currently. If someone doesn’t like how you look, they are not the person for you. And if YOU do not like how you currently look, have an honest conversation with yourself about how to get to a place where you are. Getting into a relationship is focused very much on visuals, and you don’t want the first moment someone sees you to be disappointing or shocking. I’m not just talking about the ladies, you men look way older than that pic you posted, just sayin’.
Age. I don’t like the age I am. If you ask my age, I will tell you a straight-faced lie while winking at you. Or I’ll ask you how old you think I am, and then tell you you’re a great guesser. While I don’t look my age, on my dating profile I was 100% honest. Your age plays a big factor in what expectations others may have about what your relationship might look like. If you lie to me about something basic to get me in the door, no, I am not into that. And neither are you. If we’re dating, I will tell you my real age (after you docusign my NDA).
Narrow your location. You’re not going to date someone who lives 40 minutes away in traffic…in a serious way. Please, don’t even lie to me like that. Hone in your location. Especially us Alexandrians – we love our city. You want to date me, you better love Alexandria. These 15 square miles better be your jam!
Note Your Children. If you have kids, say it. If you know you want kids, say it. I love dating dads. Every single long-term relationship I have had since my divorce has been with a dad. I could go on a long spiel about why I like this. Some people don’t though. Be honest and upfront. It dictates your availability, schedule, timing and priorities. This isn’t something someone should have to ask, you should care enough about your children to disclose this, too.
Anyway, wouldn’t we all be a little better if everyone did this? Wouldn’t it make online dating just a little easier? So be the best you, and if they aren’t, come tell me your horror stories. I will buy you wine and laugh at you, while asking if you’re okay.
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