Growth And Change: My First Single Holiday

This is my first Christmas and New Year’s Eve separated and not with a significant other since the 2000s, and whoa, it feels weird. Nothing feels normal for me this year, but the holidays are definitely odd territory. In normal years, most of my Christmas shopping would have been done well in advance, I would have been madly wrapping gifts, I would have at least one Christmas tree up and decorated, my house would be decorated, and I would be trying not to eat too many of the holiday cookies I had baked. I would be scheduling time to see multiple families for the holidays, while wondering if there would be any down time just to recuperate. Family law attorneys get the added fun of cases with fires to put out, right before Christmas or during the holiday, because of disputes regarding the holidays.

This year is very different. Well, I still have litigation the week before Christmas and the week after New Years – some things don’t change. I was late to buy gifts for my family, sorry guys! But, I did buy some great gifts last-minute at Red Barn Mercantile and Shop Made, in Alexandria. All my gifts went into reusable bags, which is more sustainable than wrapping paper, anyway.  My house is barely decorated, because the stress of finding time to undecorate it was too much for me to think about. I didn’t put up a tree, and I didn’t bake any cookies – as of yet.  I read Vivian Howard’s post about using canned biscuits and forgiving herself for not being able to do everything she normally would around the holidays. I decided to stop dwelling on it, and that I could forgive myself for this, too.

I have done a few things to make this holiday something to celebrate for me, personally.  I bought myself a couple Christmas gifts so I had something to open from me – an ornament from Red Barn Mercantile and white wide-leg jeans from Anthropologie. I bought my dog, Max, a few special treats for his gifts and a new collar – he is addicted to his new Bento treat dispenser! I booked some travel after the holidays for some real rest and relaxation. I have planned some special events with friends, so I don’t feel alone. But, I can’t say it isn’t hard to see all the merriment, the sappy movies about love and family, and not (how did the Victorians say it) “get the morbs.”

I know so many people have had canceled plans due to illness of family members this year, or due to life events like I’m experiencing, so many of people are facing a holiday season that is not quite normal. So, I hope if you are facing this in your life, you can just know that you are not alone in your feelings, and it’s okay for this time of year to not be perfect.

I am lucky that my brother and his family live right in Washington, D.C., and I spent Christmas with them. My nephews are so much fun on Christmas, and I like snuggling with them in their Christmas pajamas. My family, especially my nephews, are a true joy in my life. I then go up to Deep Creek Lake to see my mother and extended family. My Christmas gift from my Mom was a ski pass, so cross your fingers that the snow gods are good to us, and right now as you are reading this, I am skiing at Wisp!

Being separated this year, I have had a lot of time to think about the things that really bring me joy and for the things that I am grateful for this year.

My business brings me a lot more joy than one would think. Yes, the legal world and my job is stressful, but I have smart, fierce, funny, and very kind co-workers that I truly love spending time with. They make all the work so much more enjoyable, and I think it makes us better at what we do.  And, boy, did we need it this year. It’s been a busy year for family law, estate planning, and estate administration. I love being out and talking to people who need our help, and being able to bring them a little piece of mind that I can lift some of their burden. It may be small (helping them administer an estate), or big (they just can’t do another holiday in their marriage) but it brings me joy to help.

My friends, both new and old, made such an impact for me this year. I am grateful for the friends who helped me pack up my house when it was being put on the market, helped me unpack to a new house, went on runs with me, gardened with me, messaged me to go out, and made me feel joy again. Most importantly, I am grateful for the friends who answered the phone when I called them and just needed to talk, anytime.  This year taught me who my real supporters are, the people who really are there for me. I am really bad at asking for help – asking for anything – but this year, I did, and that was growth for me.

My volunteer work, whether with Campagna, or other non-profits, brings me great joy as well.  I really like helping other people! I like working with people to achieve goals with purpose. Knowing that I have skills and talents that can make a difference to other people makes me feel like I have a purpose beyond myself and my daily wants. 

Having a great therapist has been a real blessing this year.  I am “on” for so much of my life, it’s been nice to have a safe space to explore my feelings and needs where I do not feel like I have to be in control of everything going on.

It has been hard to find joy in the things that I used to do – cooking for one is not really my thing, despite my true love of cooking and baking. I am so busy with volunteer work, networking, and regular work that I have had a hard time having enough energy in the evenings to want to make jewelry.  But, I have too much energy to just “peace out and veg” in front of a television. I really have never lived alone before, so I am just starting to find my footing. Finding joy in doing things for myself is a bit of new territory. My challenge is finding ways to relax while being alone. This is my greatest challenge, so I have gone back to basics during the times I am alone – exercising, relaxing, choosing healthy habits, and enjoying self-care. It still doesn’t make it easy for me, but adapting to change isn’t an overnight process.

I am also excited about my future. I am excited about where my life is headed. I can visually see a lot of my goals right now, and the tangible steps to get there. I have such a big circle of friends and family helping me get there, too. I have goals for my personal growth, goals for my business, and goals for work-life balance. I am so grateful that, through this process, I have been able to see positivity and good. So, I hope that you had a happy holiday and that you have a joyous end of year. And, if your holiday wasn’t the best, forgive yourself, brush yourself off, and work on finding joy in the new year.