Why I’m Excited My Kids Are Leaving (for College) My Next Chapter – And Why I’m Ready for It

I know. It seems really odd–How can I be happy my twin teens are LEAVING for college?

Especially when the “empty nesting” industry aims to help the 21 million of us in the U.S. whose children have “flown the coop”, when we are inundated with books, coaches, travel packages, home remodeling, etc., all targeted or “help” those of us in this stage of our lives. 

Those who know me well, and even those who may not, know that I’ve focused a large part of my energy to my kids' well-being. Mine was not an easy path to conception, followed by a multitude of pregnancy-related health concerns. After their birth, one had tremendous difficulties from age three to early teens while the other had their fair share of challenges.  

But a wise mentor once taught me: Every parenting decision should be made with two goals in mind – independence and resilience. They need these most. 

What else would a parent want?

Some say our job is to "break the chain" from our own childhoods as we raise our children. I chose to do that in several ways while still holding on to the values that helped shape me—independence, resilience, kindness, hard work, and personal responsibility.

My kids are a big motivation for me to serve in this industry; they are why I continue to grind and help women understand a simpler path to feeling good. 

It’s also why I am happy – excited, even – they are leaving. 

It’s because they are ready. 

Teaching Resilience

I’ve been preparing for this time for a few years. I’ve prepared them, too!

Not through wins, but through the tough stuff, and the grind.

After our daughter Rachel's graduation, our family gathered for a quiet lunch. (Our son William’s graduation was the week before.) My brother, sister, Bill, the graduates and I reflected on a simple question:

"What are the top three ingredients that contributed to the success of these two young adults?"

Everyone shared thoughtful observations, but what struck me most were Rachel and William's own answers.

Rachel spoke (begrudgingly) about our "strict" discipline and the traditions we built, including gathering around the  dinner table at 6:30 each evening.

William spoke about mentors and the importance of how we created an environment where they had the tools  to grow and thrive.

Listening to them, I realized something profound: the highest expression of love may actually be preparing someone to leave.

Does this mean I won’t miss them? 

Miss the “I forgot  (fill in the blank)” and the school-aged needs children tend to have? Miss the year-long swim and shooting seasons? 

I will miss those activities, sure. Yet their “needs” from me have decreased through the years. 

And while I understand that I will miss deeply, I’ve found myself feeling something else, too:

I’m really excited.

The Next Chapter

For nearly two decades, my calendar, priorities, travel, weekends, and emotional energy have mainly revolved around two remarkable children.

Now I get to ask a question I haven't asked in a long time:

What's next for me?

Not because motherhood is ending. It isn't.

It's evolving.

I am considering a few new paths to enrich my life. I played tennis competitively through college, and I’ve recently taken it up again. I’ve spent more time with close friends than ever before. And, for the first time in a very long time, I'm allowing this season to reveal the path rather than forcing one. There is something freeing about that.

My business is also shifting, in beautiful ways. Our community is stronger than ever. My ability to share this message with the world has picked up pace again, with new workshops and speaking opportunities on the horizon.

And now, as Rachel and William step confidently into their own lives, I am reminded about this poem by Kahlil Gibran:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.They come through you but not from you,And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

• Kahlil Gibran

The goal was never to keep them close. The goal was to prepare them to leave.

They are ready.

And so am I! So, I invite you to stay tuned for what’s next, for both Adrien Cotton Wellness and the community that it’s served for the past…18 or so years.

SEE ALSO: Get Out! (The Best Thing You Can Do for Your Strength This Season)