You're Not Failing at Parenting—You’re in Perimenopause

At the exact moment your emotional regulation is at its most volatile, your child is pushing for independence, testing boundaries, and mirroring back everything they see. And we know they see everything – the good, the bad, and especially the parts we wish they didn’t.

That tension? It can leave the strongest of moms feeling shattered. 

What’s really going on? Two brains—yours and your child’s—are in transition. Yours is being rewired for a whole new phase of life. Theirs is under construction: fast-growing in emotion, slow-developing in regulation. (As you’ve heard, the part of their brain responsible for impulse control and perspective-taking won’t fully mature until their mid-twenties. Gulp.) 

It’s a mismatch that makes everything feel harder, especially your relationship.

The eye rolls. The snapping. The guilt spiral after. The feeling that your relationship with your child is unraveling. Does that sound familiar? Do you find yourself asking, "Is it just me?”

The answer is an emphatic, “No!”

Perimenopause and parenting often collide in a woman's life. And that collision is real. One moment we’re supporting our kids through growing pains, and the next we're navigating our own. Mood swings, brain fog, hot flashes, anxiety, and identity shifts don’t happen in isolation – they shape how we show up in every part of life, including parenting.

Adrien Cotton joins friend, author, and parenting coach Mary Willcox Smith for a free webinar that teaches you how to better handle perimenopause and parenting for more peace at home.

That’s why my friend Mary Willcox Smith and I are hosting a conversation that brings these two life chapters together. We want to help women find their power even in the depths of both parenting during perimenopause and menopause. (You can sign up for this free virtual discussion here.)

This isn’t about offering perfect answers; it’s about opening up honest dialogue, sharing real stories, and giving voice to what so many of us are quietly experiencing. 

It’s about helping you find your anchor in this new phase of perimenopause and menopause while parenting.

And let me tell you, we GET IT. We are in the midst of it right now: me with two teenage twins and Mary with four daughters. 

Before we built the proper tools, we were right where you are now. Deep in the struggle. Constant sighs. Push back. Slamming doors. Walking away. You try to stay calm, but your reaction is instant – and in retrospect, frankly way out of proportion. 

The look on your child’s face says it all: What just happened? Honestly, you’re wondering the same thing.

But really, it’s not the meltdowns or the yelling that hurt the most, it’s the self-doubt hangover that follows. The helplessness of knowing this isn’t how you want to show up. This is definitely not how you want your child to perceive you – as losing control and perspective. You just don’t know how to do it differently. You seem to repeat the same mistakes with your kid, over and over again like a bad movie on replay. 

“When you’re triggered and reactive, it’s not just a parenting moment, it’s a nervous system moment,” says Mary Willcox Smith, creator of the MicroStep Method®. “And your child is learning not just from what you say but from how you recover.”

When you’re snapping, spiraling, and sobbing in the car wondering, Who even am I right now?, it’s not just parenting stress or being tired – it’s perimenopause rewiring your brain while your teen or tween pushes every button.

You’re not alone, you’re not broken, and there are tangible things you can actually do for your body, your brain, and your relationship with your child.

You’ve heard about how perimenopause is a new phase. A few friends have been chatting about it. Of course, you’ve seen a ton of social about it. But most women, like you, are incredibly confused about what it all means. Yes, you’ve put on a few pounds that won’t budge. None of the old tricks to stay fit are working. Yes, you have trouble sleeping. You may even be less interested in sex. Most importantly, parenting your child well seems so hard right now.

Combine the confusion and doubt about your (new) body with the most important job you ever wanted: to be a good mom to a child who happens to be changing as quickly as you are. But it  has been far from easy lately. Maybe you are making up for ways you were raised. Maybe you want to give your child everything you didn’t have. Or maybe you simply want to have a solid relationship with them before you blink and they head off to their next phase of total independence.

The trouble is that you really don’t know how to navigate parenting the way you want while managing your own perimenopause or menopause symptoms.

Enter my friend, author, and parenting coach Mary Willcox Smith…

We are combining forces for an honest, eye-opening online session called “Is It Them, or Is It Me? A Science-Backed Conversation on Perimenopause, Parenting, and Peace (at Home!)” on September 12 at 12pm. 

In this 45-minute session, we plan to unpack what happens when perimenopause meets parenting – and why things feel so off, even when you’re trying your best. (Sign up for free here!)

You will leave our chat and…

• Understand what’s actually happening in your brain and body during perimenopause and why it’s hard to find reason and calm. 

• Recognize why your kid’s behavior suddenly feels harder, and how their developing brain both pulls away and mirrors back your emotional state. 

• See how your child is interpreting your emotional tone—and how to create safety and connection, even in the hard moments.

• Discover how hormonal volatility fuels emotional reactivity and what that does to your parenting defaults.

• Adopt simple tools to get to the other side of this phase (with confidence), a phase that can last up to ten years. 

As a bonus, we’ll make sure you leave fully equipped to repair the connection with your child after a blow-up, because no one is perfect. Learning to recover is just as important as learning to prevent blow-ups in the first place. 

Getting through this phase of life is a bit easier when you have a supportive community and the right tools to handle parenting while in perimenopause. We hope to provide that and more on September 12. See you there!

SEE ALSO: 5 Simple Moves to Get Strong(her) This Fall (Videos Included!)