A Birthday Of Significance: Making Joy Out Of Dread
Two years ago, while dreading my upcoming Birthday of Significance, I was thinking about how I wanted to mark the big occasion. I think, especially for women, getting older often is tied to a harder road to having children and finding meaningful relationships, not to mention dealing with the major body/hormone changes we encounter. There are very legitimate reasons for our emotions around aging and hitting certain milestones. I needed something to make turning this age feel joyous.
Then I recalled this little inn I had stayed at in Napa, and I thought, wouldn’t it be fun to fill up an inn with people you love and enjoy being with? As the world’s most extroverted extrovert, I love to have a good time with friends, to laugh, to eat good food, and taste good wine. If there is a pool with music playing, I have hit perfection.
In the couple years since I first had that thought, my life has completely changed. I got divorced and sold my house. Covid dragged on; inflation soared. Something inside me needed this trip to happen. I needed to prove to myself that I could make it happen. That I was good enough, my friendships were deep enough, that I didn’t need to have a significant other, that I just needed to make what I wanted happen. That I could will it to be.
So, I sent out an email earlier this year and waited with anticipation to see if anyone would bite. And with each “yes” response, I did a little happy dance. Then I spent the next couple months planning the details – the timing, destinations, restaurants, flights, wineries, and transportation – with the help of my friends.
Right now, I am on a flight back from one of my favorite trips I have ever taken. I have been around the world, to all sorts of destinations, but having my best friends celebrate life with me filled me with joy and a sense of belonging. And all those who couldn’t join us but wished me a joyous day fueled the feeling. This year was the start of a new chapter of life, of me. I’m happier now. And this trip put a big exclamation point on that feeling! Just the inside jokes, all the small moments – I can’t stop thinking about those and how much they made me laugh and smile.
It took some work to pull it off. There were a lot of last-minute changes. A big thank-you to my support group who helped smooth out the logistics, who did extra little things to make everything special. So, as I fly back, I just want you to know, freaking out about aging is okay. Milestones for us women are hard sometimes, and it’s okay. And if you need to find a little extra joy to get through it, make it something good. Will it to be.
But where did you go, Kate? Well…stay tuned for the next episode.
