Working Out My Style Identity Crisis After Kids
There are lots of great reasons to cut off all your hair. Going through a personal style crisis after having a baby is one of them. It was early 2017 and I had just become a mom for the first time. While I adored my baby, I also felt like a slate wiped clean. Who was I now that I had this little person to care for? Over those first few weeks, I had stopped caring for myself. I had trouble breastfeeding, was sleep deprived, and became depressed. Feeling frumpy and milk-swollen I called up my friend who worked at a trendy barber shop on Smith Street in Carroll Gardens. She squeezed me in that afternoon and gave me my most favorite haircut ever: Long and loose on the very top, shaved sides, blunt-almost-bowl-cut bangs. It was a statement haircut, a little queer, super short and sexy. It felt like a “Here I am!” haircut, fresh and fashionable and — most importantly —utterly different, just like I felt after becoming a new mom.
A fresh cut after kids.
In the years since, I’ve had two more daughters and experienced similar moments of reinvention and rediscovery. It feels like each new baby challenges me to get back in touch with myself, my image, with what makes me feel seen and understood. Personal style has that power. Yet it comes with the territory that caring for small kids reroutes the energy available for maintaining your own identity and experimenting with self-expression.
My youngest is nearing two. I decided to write this blog post because I’ve found myself at a now familiar crossroads of personal style: Nothing I have fits me anymore, both physically and emotionally. This time around there’s less a sense of bewilderment and desperation like there was with my first two kids. Now rediscovering my style feels freeing — like yes, the slate is once again wiped clean. Yes, I feel like a new person mothering three little girls, but there’s freedom and fun involved. Maybe because this isn’t my first rodeo at rediscovering my personal style after kids, maybe it’s because I care a bit less about what others think as I age? Maybe it’s a combination of both.
Whatever the case, I thought I’d share some of my newest closet staples with you all here, along with some “rules” I made up for my navigating post-kids fashion journey.
1. Be open to being influenced.
Scrolling on TikTok I came across this viral pinstriped shirt dress from Antropologie. I caved and got it and can vouch for the power of this simple tailored dress. It feels like a special cut, playful, flattering, and still good for nursing. I never thought I’d source fashion inspo from Tiktok, but here we are.
Twinning in my viral TikTok dress.
I’ve been open to being influenced in the real world, too. Everywhere I look I keep seeing adorable vests! I noticed cute vests until I finally exclaimed: I need a cute vest, too! Now I have one, this cozy knit cutie to layer over dresses and turtlenecks all fall.
Very proud of my vest.
2. Test the waters with a dupes + rentals.
I’ve long lusted after these iconic over-the-knee boots but wasn’t sure I’d love and wear them in a way that warranted the steep price tag. I settled for these comfy, cute, water resistant dupes instead, which scratch the itch of trying the over the knee trend without eating up my whole post-baby wardrobe budget.
Nuuly has been helpful for trying out trends. Do I like oversized knit sweaters with mini-skirts? (Apparently!) Do I want to wear a sheer burned velvet dress to my friend's wedding (Oh, no way.) Nuuly has been great for experimenting with what works for me at this stage of life while keeping me open to more adventurous, trendy looks.
3. Add some balance with good basics.
It has been so fun exploring new trends as I re-enter the world of caring about clothes again. But solid basics to pair with those of-the-moment pieces has been key for me. I love these Everlane tees for layering.
4. Go with what makes you happy.
When I sprung for a new pair of cowboy boots, I told myself I’d wear them at least twice a week to make the cost per wear worth it. A few weeks in and yeehaw —I love them. They make me so happy! Do they make sense? No. Do I care? Also no! I just love wearing them with long, flowy skirts and feeling like I just walked out of the Sundance catalogue.
90s throwback style has also been making me so happy. I got a pair of Doc Marten Mary Janes just like I had in middle school! And a floor-length denim skirt! And baggy jeans! And of course I am just so happy when wearing a cozy Old Town Books sweatshirt of some kind.
Floor-length denim and Docs.
