Navigating Fashion When Your Body Doesn’t “Fit”: 5 Ways to Shop with Confidence
Most American women wear a size 14 or larger. New research is showing that the average size of an American woman is now closer to a size 16 to 18. If that’s the case – why do we not see these sizes in stores?
I know I’ve been there—walking into a store, hoping to find something cute and stylish, only to be confronted with racks of clothes that don’t fit, limited sizes, and the subtle (or not-so-subtle) societal messages that my body doesn’t belong. Shopping should be an enjoyable experience, but for many, especially those who live in larger bodies, or bodies that don’t meet the conventional beauty standards, it can quickly turn into a stressful, frustrating ordeal.
Why Shopping Is So Hard:
Weight Stigma
Shopping often comes with subtle—and not so subtle—reminders that your body doesn’t fit into the "ideal." Phrases like:
“This is really flattering on you!”
“We don’t carry sizes above X.”
“Try the shapewear section.”
“This doesn’t come in your size.”
These are more than just words; they reflect deeply ingrained weight stigma in the fashion world. Flattering generally means something that enhances someone's appearance or makes them look or feel better. But, we all know that the idea that clothes should "flatter" someone’s body often implies that it makes their body look smaller and more desirable.
The mannequins you see in stores, the models in ads, and even online images are overwhelmingly representative of straight-sized bodies or those who live in smaller bodies. Though some brands are starting to diversify their representations, the majority of mainstream fashion still caters to a narrow idea of what bodies should look like.
Inconsistent Sizing
The sizing system in fashion is another major hurdle. The inconsistency in sizing across different brands, and even within the same brand, can make shopping feel like an exhausting guessing game.
Inaccessible
For anyone whose body falls outside of the idealized "straight-sized" model, shopping becomes an exercise in feeling overlooked. For many people, whether their body is larger, shorter, or has different proportions, finding clothes that fit well and feel good is an uphill battle. This issue isn’t just limited to women—all genders, people with disabilities, people with sensory sensitivity, and/or congenital limb deficiency or amputees, too, often face limited options, whether they are looking for something casual, professional, or stylish.
Your Body Is Not the Problem—The Clothing Is the Problem!
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling defeated after trying on clothes that don’t fit or leave you feeling less than confident, it’s essential to remember this: your body is not the problem. The clothing industry, with its outdated sizing systems and weight stigma practices, is the issue. Your body is unique and beautiful, just as it is. Fashion should be about self-expression, comfort, and confidence—not about trying to fit into someone else’s narrow idea of beauty.
What You Can Do to Make Shopping a Better Experience
Navigating the world of shopping when you don’t fit the "ideal" body type takes intention, patience, and a shift in mindset. Here are a few tips to help make your shopping experience feel more empowering and less stressful:
Radical Acceptance and Self-Compassion
One of the most powerful tools when shopping is practicing radical acceptance. This means embracing your body as it is—without judgment or shame. When shopping, try to approach the experience with compassion and patience for yourself. Focus on comfort, fit, and style, not on the number on the tag. When you see those self-deprecating thoughts coming up, you can say “okay, my internal weight stigma is really strong right now” to help yourself shift your mindset from there.
Using positive affirmations or mantras can be a powerful way to shift your mindset while shopping. Remind yourself of your worth and the fact that you don’t need to conform to society’s weight stigma and arbitrary standards to feel good about yourself.
Example: If you find something that fits but the size doesn’t match what you were hoping for, remind yourself that sizing varies, and that’s okay. The goal is to find clothes that fit your body, not to have your body fit the clothes.
2. Shop with a Support Person
Having a shopping buddy who understands and supports you can make a huge difference. They can help you focus on what makes you feel good, rather than getting bogged down by the frustration of fit. Set boundaries about body-related comments and instead focus on how you feel in the clothes, not how you look. You can also make a plan to take a break. If clothes shopping is getting too overwhelming, you can always take a break and go into stores that have more accessories, trinkets, or other items.
Example: If you’re feeling overwhelmed in the fitting room, your friend could say, “How does it feel? If you’re uncomfortable, let’s try something else.” A supportive friend can help you stay focused on comfort, not on fitting into a specific mold.
3. Use Grounding Skills
If shopping feels overwhelming, grounding skills can help calm your mind and body. Techniques like deep breathing or focusing on your senses can bring you back to the present moment and reduce anxiety.
Example: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique when you start to feel overwhelmed: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This can help you re-center and approach the experience with a clearer mindset.
4. Focus on Fit and Comfort
Rather than fixating on the size, focus on the fit and comfort of the clothing. Look for pieces that make you feel confident, stylish, and comfortable, regardless of the size tag. I always recommend to get the size you think you are, one smaller, and one bigger. Don’t look at the sizes when you try them on. Try them on and see which one feels best.
5. Gradual Exposure
If the idea of shopping feels overwhelming, consider easing into the experience gradually. Start by shopping for accessories, shoes, or home goods before venturing into clothing. Over time, you can challenge yourself to try on clothes, but always go at your own pace. Short, low-pressure trips to stores you feel comfortable in can help build confidence and reduce anxiety.
Online Shopping
For many people, online shopping is a great alternative to in-store shopping. It allows you to shop at your own pace, try on clothes in the comfort of your home, and find brands that offer inclusive sizing. Tips for online shopping is to check size guides and reviews, embrace returns, and create a “Keep and Return” system. Order a few items that you think will fit well, along with a couple of different sizes to see what works best. Try them on at home, away from the mirror at first to see what feels best on your body. Make the final decision at your own pace.
Inclusive Brands
Many stores and brands are embracing body diversity and offering more inclusive options. Some of these include:
Good American: clothing store offering sizes up to 5XL
Eloquii: clothing store offering sizes up to 32
Universal Standard: clothing store offering sizes up to 40/4XL
Girlfriend Collective: activewear made from recycled materials, offering sizes up to 6XL
King Size: men’s clothing store, offering sizes up to 10XL
Halara: clothing store offering sizes up to 4X
Big Bud Press: sustainable brand, colorful, unisex clothing, offering sizes up to 5XL
Nuuly: a clothing rental subscription service, offering sizes up to 5X
Torrid: clothing store offering sizes up to 30/4X
American Tall: clothing store offering sizes up to 2XL 6’6 women and 7’1 men
Slick Chicks: adaptive clothing, offering sizes up to 5XL, velcro, leak proof, and antimicrobial
Sam Sensory Clothing: sensory friendly clothing, soft, itch-free, tagless
No Limbits: adaptive clothing, sensory friendly clothing, clothing for those with Lymphedema, knee braces, leg braces, ankle-foot orthosis, and prosthetics
Shopping should be a joyful, empowering experience, but the reality is that for many, it’s a struggle. The barriers that exist in the fashion industry can be overwhelming, but remember, your body isn’t the problem—the industry is. With the right strategies, mindset, and support, shopping can become an opportunity for self-expression, comfort, and style. Embrace your unique body, find what fits, and always remember: you deserve to wear what makes you feel confident, comfortable, and fabulous.
Coastal Collaborative Care provides telehealth and in-person therapy. In-person offices are located in Old Town North Alexandria, VA and Downtown Norfolk, VA. Email admin@coastalcollaborativecare.com or call 571-249-5332 to schedule a consultation.
Writer’s note: While we often refer to 'women's' and 'men's' clothing, all therapists at Coastal Collaborative Care acknowledge that gender is diverse and fluid. People of all genders can wear whatever clothing feels true to their identity and expression. Choose styles, stores, and fits that reflect who you are and make you feel confident.
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