So…you are noticing a few things…you’re losing sleep. You are a little more irritable or reactive over the “little things.” You seem to have increased pants sizes overnight. Your allergies came out of left field. 

Maybe your periods are irregular, infrequent, or have stopped. Your joints hurt or recovery from a workout takes longer. Your weight has not budged. And, just talking about physical intimacy, let alone being intimate, makes you cringe. 

Soon you discover – from a knowledgeable source and NOT from Insta – you are in perimenopause. The perimenopause and menopause journeys can be challenging for us – and for our spouses and partners. Just imagine living with us as we adjust to this “new normal.” With the frequent and unpredictable changes that come, we can lose sight of those around us who want to support us, but may be at a loss about what to do. Add to that societal thinking that has historically labeled menopause a “taboo topic,” and our partners may have no idea of what perimenopause and menopause are and how they affect us. Worse off, they don’t have a clue how to bring it up. After all, they hear you day-in-day-out talking about your belly fat and your frustration with (not being able to lose) it.

Throughout much of history, menopause has been shrouded in mystery. It wasn’t until the mid-20th century when the medical community began developing therapies for the symptoms related to menopause. 

I often talk about the neglect of women’s health and fitness in medical research, and perimenopause and menopause research are definitely near the top of that list. I’m thrilled the medical community has finally begun to focus on the enormity of perimenopause and menopause in recent years. I believe understanding them, and their transitions, is essential for women and the loved ones who support them.

Information is power and can provide those closest to us with the tools they need to support our journey. We have to be our own best advocates, AND for our own emotional well-being, the onus is on us to  empower our partners so they have a reference for our “new normal.”

I know from my own perimenopause experience that having my husband lend me a hand and give me supportive nudges when I was struggling was invaluable. I began perimenopause while my children were still toddlers, and knowing BillI was looking out for me was both a comfort and a necessity. 

As a women’s wellness expert, I’ve learned that our partners want to help. And when it comes to relationship dynamics, being open and vulnerable and avoiding any shame, through these changes goes a long way in taming arguments, limiting miscommunication, and garnering support. 

Here are 3 ways to help your partner help you:

1.  Help them understand what happens during menopause

Many people, including our partners, often don’t know what a woman experiences as she reaches perimenopause and menopause. They may not be aware of the actual physical and emotional challenges that come as our bodies begin to shift.  So tell them all that you know when the time is right: quiet, distraction-free, and when you are not feeling stressed. They just may take time to learn…  Giving our partners the knowledge and power to recognize our symptoms will help them understand what is happening at any given moment and how to respond to it. 

2.  Have the sex talk

Vaginal dryness and lowered libido are key signs of both perimenopause and menopause. Often our partners can take our reluctance for intimacy as disinterest in THEM and are unaware that it is a TOP symptom of perimenopause or menopause. Let them know when sex is uncomfortable and discover new ways to share intimacy. Consider experimenting with products that can help alleviate discomfort during intercourse. Involve them in these discoveries.

3.  Communication is key

Our partners may also not be aware of the additional stresses we are facing during perimenopause and menopause when we are potentially juggling our career and family responsibilities and caring for our aging parents. Giving them insight into our day-to-day lives and being honest when we are overwhelmed and need support can mean a lot to them and our relationship.

If you’re looking for additional support during your perimenopause or menopause transition, consider joining my Concierge Small Group Wellness program or sign up for the waitlist for my upcoming 8 Weeks to Wellness where I share ways to optimize your health and guide you toward a positive midlife experience.

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