What Happened to My Bikini Body - My Periomenopause Prison
It was 2011. I was in my mid-forties. I co-owned the first women-owned strength training gym in Alexandria. We boasted highly skilled coaches, a robust continuing education program, and a new brand of training. We were, by all means, a success–hundreds of clients from the highest levels of government and business called Fitness on the Run “home”.
My life WAS my business. Raised in a family of high achievers, the plan was to “go global”. I wanted to bring this new brand of training to the world. No one had yet discovered our new approach to feeling great through exercise that required fueling foods, quality sleep, stress resilience and a calendar that shows up for it.
Oh, yea, and I had toddler twins at home! I fed my kids whole foods, nothing out of a box or jar. I searched high and low for the best schools, best nannies, best specialists, and the absolute best of everything for them. I took parenting classes to be the “perfect” parent. My husband travelled extensively and played golf for many hours on the weekends. Our son experienced several setbacks but my focus on him never waned. My daughter was starving for a slice of attention that I could barely muster for her.
I was a hard-charged business owner and seeking the title of BEST mom of twins.
Yet inside I was dying. In retrospect, I was giving it all to my work and my kids. Nothing was left for me—and my body—which was still weary from a difficult conception and childbirth experience.
And boy, did my body show for it.
I took my pre-40s, Southern California bikini body for granted. It was officially on long term vacation with no sign of returning.
I wasn’t sleeping well, waking multiple times each night either drenched in sweat or with my son, William who experienced night terrors – running around the house screaming. My stress started and ended high every day.
I fed myself food I thought was “good for me” and trained between client sessions as hard as I could possibly muster, often heading straight into another client session or a meeting.
I tried to maintain friendships on nights when I could find a sitter or when my husband, Bill was home. Eventually friendships waned simply because there was nothing left…and invitations stopped coming.
Instead of heading into Old Town with friends, I stayed up late working behind the computer, “hydrating” with wine and dreaming I’d be skinny again.
All the while, I pretended I was living the dream. Today, I refer to it as the “mask” I was wearing.
My belly and hips were soft and bulging. My body did not look like a gym owner who lifted weights. It looked puffy and bloated. I felt even worse. I probably changed jean sizes 3 three times in three years. (Anyone who knows me knows I love my jeans – all year round!) We belonged to a country club at the time and I remember countless days hating how I looked in a swimsuit.
What was happening?
I was experiencing the perfect storm of physiological change plus perimenopause and lifestyle choices that, combined, made weight gain inevitable–and the inability to lose it impossible.
I was in the full swing of perimenopause and I didn’t know it. My period was intermittent and unpredictable at best, Sex was painful, libido was nonexistent (if you missed my latest webinar, you can watch it on my Youtube Channel), I couldn’t sleep, and exercise felt like a chore intended solely to maintain my weight. Of course, my weight was higher than ever.
I was lucky to find a doctor who specialized in perimenopause and menopause. She helped me understand so much about what was happening inside my brain and body. I was fighting against a confluence of “shoulds”, like eating a little chicken with vegetables, or a salad with dressing on the side, combined with high-intensity exercise sessions. I fought my exhaustion with more productivity.
Once I realized the science behind what was happening, I took to the books. Not only did I want to feel better; I had had countless women in our practice who felt the same struggle. I found mentors, specialists, went to conferences, and learned everything I could about perimenopause and menopause and how their symptoms creep into our lives without warning and with no instruction manual.
Over the course of the next ten years, I developed a system for me first, then clients.
Sleep became my top priority which would then fuel my energy for fueling food choices, reduce and manage my stress levels. and provide a foundation for thoughtful and measured parenting and business ownership.
All this above led to my ability to lift heavy – as research shows is essential to manage stress, gain muscle and balance my topsy turvy hormones.
I practice what I preach: functional strength training movements like the hinge, squat, press, pull, plank, and every darn variety of them known to women. When I lift, my body thanks me in return through strength, fewer illnesses, better moods, improved immune function and great sleep.
Over the course of the same ten years, my body transformed into a strong, balanced, energetic vessel through which I can dive into my passions. If I am a “product of my product” I am living in an authentic and vulnerable space alongside my community of strong(her) women who too are on this journey together.
If I’d continued to approach my training as a means for weight loss and maintenance only, I firmly believe I wouldn’t be here. My goal in my training has been—and will always be—for strength, confidence, the bragging rights, and of course hormone balance and longevity!
Thankfully. My “perimenopause prison” gave me a runway to help hundreds of women both in peri and menopause (which lasts for the rest of our lives) feel better than they did in their forties. I’m grateful for the experience.
If you find yourself opting to eat less because you have been led to believe this is how you’ll get back into “fighting shape”, if you have been exercising more but still feeling stuck in your body during perimenopause or menopause, you are not alone.
The good news is: You are not doing anything wrong, and it takes some understanding and a slight mind shift, but you can approach a whole new “you” in midlife.
One more important piece of this conversation:
The same hormonal and metabolic changes that make feeling good in our bodies at 40 also directly impact our sexual health. This includes libido, comfort, and satisfaction and much more.
If you’re ready to approach your health with strategies designed for this stage of life on a more personal level, you can start by scheduling a free consult or inquire about joining one of my weekly strength training classes.
